Another Part In The Puzzle

 It seems that resultant patterns of success can bring a misconception.  Recent weeks have resulted in a pleasing string of project completions.  It was then followed by two consecutive days of total and unexpected failures.  This is the way that living shows up at times.  Certainly this instance is far from a new phenomenon in experience, even to, these instances can chip at ones confidence if allowed.  I have experienced strings of similar result over time.  I sometimes think it more frequent  to fail than to succeed, yet,this too is a false image, conjured up by the psyche.  There is always a reason of circumstance to influence outcomes.  It is unlikely that life is meant to be anything specific.  As now passes through time, impressions form that may be unsound based in the circumstances that seem to align as significant.  Thus as individuals these contribute to what forms as an impression that may falsely alter our thoughts.

I had a string of successes during these recent weeks that are directly tied to the issue that stopped my musical progress in late 2019.  I was on a significant roll then too.  Having finally gained a hard earned understanding of the digital audio workstation I use, this was showing up in ease of use.  The struggles of learning the methodology employed began providing dividends in the form of personal success at recording.  This was augmented by finally attaining high quality instruments which themselves were inspiring to work with.  I'd finally reached the big compilation of nearly a decade long project that could lead to recording a lifetime of songwriting.  Then the door slammed shut.  I had the tools and an understanding when the finger problem stopped me in my tracks.  That was soon to be followed by the damn pandemic, isolation and a deepening struggle to make sense of what is.  Why?

With this autumn coming on, the finger was gradually releasing its lasting hold on my ability to proceed at will.  Even though the inability had begun to noticeably fall away, I recognized the need to proceed with caution limiting its use while playing.  This finger, just a part of one's hand seemingly insignificant when function allows normal use, became a force changing everything.  Having this nearly two years of hellish struggle, seeming it was about to relent its grip, provided an opportunity to regain the path that it had blocked.  A lot of uncertainty had built up over time's course, particularly while learning to and playing in a three fingered fashion, because doing so was notably prohibitive.  Some of the songs were impossible to play at all.  Gradually I did overcome some of this through utilization of alternate forms in making chords, but there were other songs demanding uses impossible to achieve.  Thus the uncertainty that I would ever reach a level of play that came close to what had once been freely available at will, would ever return.

The struggle of playing with three fingers began by weaning that index finger from use.  The habit of fifty some years had developed what is often referred to as muscle memory.  To bust through the years of habitual reflex may sound simple, yet reality is far from that.  I found it a tremendous struggle to deactivate my index finger when playing almost everything.  The index finger for a guitar player is engaged for nearly every chord played and is the master positioner in playing lead as well.  It took many months to develop an ability to play and sing again with any sense of fluidity.  I recall trying to play and sing songs, to find this neutralization of the index finger from habit would break all concentration, to the degree that all sense of place would vanish completely.  I could be in mid phrase, singing when the finger would send a jolt of pain (from engagement) that would stop me dead without recall of where I was in the song's progression.  That condition went on for months, but eventually that condition released, the index finger was mostly disengaged except when deliberate for use as a bar, for bar chords or an occasional B7.  The latter of those uses near always resulted in a lasting inflammation.  As this transition continued, I at times would deliberately try doing things which would engage the index finger, only as a progress report, because I had the need of hope that this condition, a messed up finger would heal over time, and gradually I noticed an improvement.  By this time, I'd successfully broken the old muscle memory problem that had plagued me for so many months and I had somewhat resigned that playing well was likely and actually, gone forever.

Hope though lingered within through the ins and outs of life, struggling along playing songs near daily, doing some recordings again in limited ways.    I successfully recorded two songs with basic rhythm guitar tracks minus the embellishment of even brief lead guitar tracks.  I custom made recording without open sections that would lend to lead tracks or simply allowed them to endure without the embellishment added.  I also attempted to bring others in to fill those parts, finding talkers, rather than takers, to fill that void.  I wished for things that failed in coming to fruition.  I also began to develop a skill with the piano, though limited by an actual lack of skill with the instrument, I could record ideas with piano, to later transpose them into MIDI tracks, eliminating my inability in playing accurately in the process.  In the heart of last winter, I was able to release two songs, "Letters," and "Another Day In Lonelysville."  Then I went on into recording "Old Cowpunchers," song to find another thing possible.  I got through playing those lead guitar parts.  Doing so set back the progress of healing in the finger.  I had to cease playing entirely for another extended period, a somewhat brief period, yet one I took stock in.  Even though it was a setback of sorts, it also provided a sense that the finger was in truth healing.  It was then that I recognized this situation is most likely temporary rather than permanent.

Now it is months later and confidence builds that the finger problem is fading.  I am again experiencing another issue with muscle memory as I continue the transition back into playing the guitar with the index finger being used.  What a confound situation to live through.  The finger has to be allowed more time to heal because pushing at, and insisting on full use still causes it discomfort.  So I have to continue to be restrained, which contributes to the new muscle memory issue because I still have to allow it more time to heal.  It is the back and forth between use and non-use that I find magnifying this problem.  It is also the reason for the two consecutive days of utter failure to find success at plans.  As I wrote a couple of days ago,  of a plan for marrying two songs together.  I had no success with the process because of the finger.  I was unaware that I couldn't play that first song of the two because of the rapid changes in playing its chords.  That finger failed me for this.  I am able to play those chords individually as well as in the order of play, it is the pace with which the song is played.  132 BPM is far from an extreme, as fast paced, but with this one it remains beyond my ability to do it accurately and in time.  The old recording is too rough and out of time with the tracks time.  That makes it impossible to make a MIDI track that follows its example.  So after many attempts to redo the rhythm track, I had to concede to my reality, this is a no go for now at least.  I worked at it for several hours beginning with the transition, figuring out just how I should do it,, by using a tempo ramp or an instant shift, concluding to the latter.  I followed that by recording the rhythm track for the second song without a key change.  That went pretty well, although it sounded distinctly different from the first track.  That was not a big issue for this being a rough draft to build upon.  Then I went back to work at the bass track beginning with the first song, only to recognize the situation with the existing track and my present inability to re-record it.  That was rather demoralizing to discover, after exerting several hours of work and practice.

The following day with a thought to again build on previous success, having a positive attitude offered no assistance.  I chose one of my jazz oriented songs, called “Blue Is My Color,” one of those tunes that I released absent the lead guitar parts, having what I would call three gaping holes in it.  I had listened to it a few nights prior also.  So off to work I went.  This is a rather complicated piece, having duel opposing lead guitar parts which I have had composed for some time.  I had played through it before yet that was two years prior.  I got to work at practice, seemingly it should be quite easy to address this one.  One of the two parts has been recorded well already, the other should be pretty simple to put down, well that was my thought in the least.  It proved out otherwise however.  I worked at it mostly practicing finding that groove, then after several attempts at recording, I realized I was unable to succeed.  Finally I surrendered yet again. 

This is true of how living unfolds sometimes.  I am bound to continue through these sorts of days and times.  Sometimes it works and other times it doesn't.  I will come back to it, try again, eventually finding success again more than possible, as something behind me.  On we go through the trials in living.  We trip and fall sometimes then other times things fall into place as though it is magical.

A Transitional Task

It is another winter's morning with some additional snow falling, none the less the music is on my mind.  The past two days unfolded with other things taking priority, to the degree that music remained for the most part as mere unfulfilled desire.  The exception was in having an hour or so free that I chose to re-record a preliminary sketch of a project left behind since its origin in late 2019, immediately prior to the finger problems stopping my musical abilities.

Back then, I'd an idea to combine two individual songs written independently back in the mid 1970s.  Their lyrical subject, although separate, seemed to lend credence to the idea, where unknowingly in the writing, one line in the song "South Carolina," pointed directly to the other, "Town of Blowing Snow."  Maybe it is a stretch of my imagination to think of them as related in this way, then still, I could abandon the idea, yet without a marriage joining them, these results would remain unknown.  There is a serious issue in attempting this, that is the drastic difference in tempo when comparing the two individual songs, one beside the other.  The two individual tempos seem needed for these uniquely differing songs to successfully join.   The intention is to either ramp the tempo through a transition of two to three measures or make it sudden like the snap of a finger.  This is yet to be decided.  Actually the entirety of the idea has yet to be decided, although I wish to experiment with it enough to make an informed decision.

Back in 2019, I recorded this idea very roughly and differently.  Then I thought to have the two songs in differing keys.  By ramping the transition through two or three measures, because the first song's tempo is 132 BPM and the second is 96 BPM.  This transition also shifts key from C incorporating the half step between C and D into the transition with the second song being in D.  In those passing months while not playing music for the most part, for a period of eight months, this attempted recording project,  sandwiching these songs together, faded from holding any emphasis  There are several other beginnings in recording that also lost all traction, during this time period.  Getting back to playing music really took another eleven months or so, because I began the journey back, by learning to play without using my index finger for all except using it as the bar of a bar chord.  I could barely use the tip of that finger and even then it was problematic, used only for a B7 but sparingly, due to the issues at the time.  A few nights ago after working at some other recordings, with the fatigue of night having become obvious, I thought to use the time to review some of the many recordings that remain incomplete.  I reviewed this rough recording, recalling the intention.  In review, I concluded the change of key as a bad move, because doing so takes the pitch too close to the extreme upper extent of my vocal range.  I think it is aging that makes this more pronounced.  There were days when my vocal range was not as obviously an issue, yet now is now.  Singing that particular song in D causes a notable loss of quality, at least that is what my opinion tells.  

The methodology I use in recording is a combination of analog recordings beside MIDI recordings.  I lack the talent to play all instruments, and have only sat on a drum kit's throne two times. back in the late 1960s, then discovering drumming as quite foreign to coordinate.  I have and do sometimes play a bass, yet there too, it is so seldom that I have not mastered the technique, specifically the scale length difference to become a proficient player of the instrument.  Keyboards are the same, I have one although my playing it is too seldom to express ideas accurately with  a required cohesion to incorporate into recording.  I would much prefer having real people contributing to these recording sessions as to being reliant on the computer and its MIDI capabilities, yet I have but one time been in the presence of this preference and that was other than a recording session.  So the limitations of an artificial musician supplemented in its stead is very stiff and sometimes difficult to work with.  There is neither flex nor understanding in a computer's program.  Anyhow, MIDI makes my entire rhythm section.  This rhythm section has to be programmed prior to use, so  my method is to make the rough recording of a song through my guitar and singing as a starting point.  I figure out what the tempo is before beginning a rough recording.  I'll sometimes make a simple drum track of a snare and bass drum combination to hold down a beat simply for use to acquire the rough recording of the song.  After that is complete, I will go back and make a MIDI bass track as well as designing a more inclusive drum track.  For this pre-existing recording I now had two separate issues with need for address, the key and the tempo transitions simultaneously combined in one section.  The transition that binds the two songs together had a somewhat stepped transition to allow a shift of keys atop a ramped tempo change, I now will remove the shift of keys.  Since the recording is fully a rough draft I could simplify the process through the use of punch-out, to deal with both the transition and the entirety of the second song, fully eliminating need to redo the first song. I got through it on my second attempt, having forgotten to shut off the telephone, it happens that it disrupted my first attempt to record the transition and the second song.  Soon there after, I had to halt the process because of my schedule to do other things.  

I hope to get back to this project later today.  Now that the preliminary rough out is done, I can program a bass track, then move on to a drum track.  It will  likely take up a majority of my energy, provided that complications don't interfere.  If they do, I may fail to complete both of these today.  Again as I've already stated, I don't know how this idea will manifest itself, upon completion.  I may not like it at all only to disregard it in its entirety.  I don't know as I am not the magical wizard possessing  a crystal ball to observe the future through.

What is knowing musical sound?

 This question plagues me relentlessly as I work with my music.  On occasion I review my previously published tunes, only to think, how could I have thought this was good?  I have a friend whom has a weekly local radio show that I seldom listen to because I rarely listen to radio.  On this particular day I did remember at the "right time," and chose to turn on the radio stream.  The moment I clicked the listen button, he was in the midst of announcing one of my tunes, yet that specific moment was after he’d referenced the track title and source, allowing my surprise upon hearing those first few notes, but that is not the point.  It had been a long time since I reviewed the recording and I found it quite a shock to hear.  What I had once considered to be quite acceptable, now sounded horrific to my ear.  I was stunned, and after the show’s conclusion, I called my friend to thank him for playing my music.  I then told him that I thought it sounded horrible, and he replied, "it sounded good to me!"  That damn personal critic is one of the things that I find difficult to deal with.  Soon there after, I went to work to alter the sound that I found so harsh in that song, in order to replace its content on my website.

What is quality music anyway?  I somehow don’t think my opinion of it changes very much over time.  Although, my opinion may change, isn’t it all subjective, without regard to whom questions?  I think the situation is one of loosing objectivity upon becoming immersed in a project, to evenly critique in the short term, due to personal attachment, after the countless hours of putting it together with an intention of doing it well.  As humans possessing a determination in music, we would naturally seek to present it in the best form possible.  I know on occasion I have found myself displeased upon review of some of my works, after a long period of time has passed.

I don’t know what it requires to overcome the uncertainty that now arises when reaching for finality in a recording.  So I test out my suppositions without knowing what or if there is a real quantifiable method for evaluating a recorded musical piece, or song.  The subjective nature of it will likely continue along with the changes of style over time.  Yesterday I concluded that I could mix a song differently a countless number of times hoping to know that what I’d done would provide an answer, only to find the same issue looking back at me.  What is good?  I don’t know how to quantify good in order to know, so I fiddle with slight degrees of alteration in the equalizer of a single track, or maybe bump a fader up a ting or down a smidgen, in another, purposefully, all while hoping to eek out a better result.  I listen to it to find it different, yet question the value in what I hear.  Finally in conclusion, without any true understanding, having only a hint suggested by my momentary preference.  Lacking this understanding takes me to, it is what it is and I don’t actually know with anything other than subjectivity what can make it sound better.  Because I don’t know what better is, with frustration in the process, I posted the song to the website. Then again later, while working on another song that was at the same juncture of final mix, I again faced the same situation.  I still find it quite a puzzle and I sometimes feel stuck.  To stop at stuck is unlikely to produce results, so I proceed into phase next questioning my understanding of what makes a recording as good as it can be.  More substantial, is it good enough?

I guess I have to guess, knowing that a personal bias will always exist.  Still I desire to remove this situation that seems like an endless loop that shall continue eternally.  And then still, maybe some epiphany or something other will create a space allowing my ear to know.  Conversely, it could be that a long recess is required in order to recognize the difference, after working at a specific project for long consecutive periods of time.

Recording, A Journey

This day begins similar to any typical winter’s morning here, the Palouse region of north-central Idaho, dim, gray, and what most would term as, other than warm.  Looking out the window seems to bring memories of the pandemic into focus, as I sit in the same chair, in the same location, on the day when I wrote "Another Day In Lonleysville," even-though; that occurrence was in the midst of summer.  The changes I felt then, remain quite forceful to my outlook, a condition that remains ever present in the back of my mind.  At least I don’t have to live within those conditions while sitting here, safe inside  this isolated space away from those potential threats, allowing my continuance to express these things I hold dear that remain as a passion and focus.  The music I have written is expressing much of my own story, sometimes showing the deep inner feelings that shape my own understandings of living the human condition, reflections of some admired musical influences, while other instances are purely fictional presentations.  My musical expression has been an underlying force or drive if you will, since the Christmas of 1971, having been gifted an acoustic guitar.  It wasn’t a great guitar, but it was playable, providing a condition that I had never felt prior.

The above is a fact, one that provided a condition I retain.  It has gradually transformed into a life force over time as other foci fell away based in increased disabilities.  Presently, my days are near always shaped toward music in some way, thinking it, playing it, reviewing it, and listening to what others have created.  Having written and composed many songs previously, the year 2000 came along as a transition through technology.  I purchased a replacement computer and digital audio recording software to go with it,, having a belief that the purchase would fulfill a dream of many years.  It turns out that this allowed only a starting point in learning about this kind of technology, although; both the software and my abilities to use it, combined as very limiting.  I didn’t understand the additional hardware requirements at that time, further complicating the limitations of the hardware I then possessed.  These details are provided as facts that can but barely define the journey taken, since the days of cassette recordings and semi-professional recording experiences designed for the purpose of my self expression in musical form.  Phase next began after becoming disillusioned with the highly commercialized market in computer operating systems where it interfaced with my own financial status.  Its software becoming a cash cow rather than a system designed to assist the betterment of humanity.  Its potential being lost for the sake of personal financial gain of the few, rather than of the general population.  Somewhere, I heard about the Linux operating system which sounded much more appealing to my nature.  It was 2008 when I purchased my next replacement computer (cash cow inputs) with the intent of shifting to this "other" kind of computer operating system.  My own ignorance, lack of education in computer language I found to be a huge barrier in fulfilling this desire to escape the mainstream capitalistic cash cow that could allow my progression toward recording my music.  Gradually I was able to learn enough about computers to escape the big cash cow of software.  That first expensive piece of digital audio software, had become obsolete so quickly and would not function with a (then) modern computer system, and I lacked the funds to purchase it again!  Again just the facts that let me arrive at the conditions which shaped what is now possible.  More years and a steady focus allowed for the gain in how I am now able to record the works of my lifetime for the purpose of self expression, my art, in the form of music, to be taken in by anyone whom chooses to observe its content, freely.

Just Writing

 So here it is over a year without writing any lyrics to anything new.  The times are different and a lot of influential change continues.  Two of the strongest being the pandemic and an injured left index finger.  Both in their separate ways, have altered my interface with music.  The pandemic removed normal living from possibility, as a man of science.  I pay strong attention to the direction that informed opinion of professional medical science provides.  Thus as an older person, I remain quite vigilant as to the potential of exposure to the virus, which to me represents being alone much more than not and much more than in any other period of my life experience.  When I do go out to get supplies, which is nearly the only thing I will allow, I remain quite aware, mask up and keep my distance from others always.  That is in itself a challenge, but the larger portion of this issue is the prolonged isolation.  Just three months before the viral plague hit, the finger issue came along which came to a head on Christmas day of 2019, the last time I played a guitar for many many profound months.  This was a life changer because playing guitars has been a major part of my life and somewhat my personal driving force for decades. Being right-handed, the sudden inability to use that left index finger to press on a guitar string, took my music away, leaving me feeling quite lost.  Beside that it was the deep of winter, where I normally pretty much live in isolation for the most part in any case due to my growing lack of will to drive in “winter driving conditions.”  It has simply gotten too crazy out there on the long highway drive of open roads where people seem to think it fine to drive 60 miles per hour on ice and snow covered roads.  Not me!  I know that studded snow tires, four-wheel drive, all wheel drive, none will effectively allow breaking to work when suddenly needed.  Studs probably help a bit, but just that, a bit.  Being older and knowing that I don’t belong in a vehicle at any time by my own nature, shows me this.  So I changed my way, adapting to the crazy of modern driving by removing myself from it under those conditions.  Then come a pandemic that altered the rest of life, while being unable to play my music.  It was and remains somewhat a time of profound personal change.

So winter removed my will to make any doctor appointments, for reasons stated above.  There are no doctors or medical facilities locally so that drive is the only way to reach for any medical assistance, so I made a plan to get with that the following April.  But before April came around the pandemic ceased all will to enter any medical facility, knowing that ill people go to medical facilities, that condition magnified in my mind to the degree of making zero attempts until late August of 2020.  That didn’t work out so well as many years ago my personal physician closed down practice and I had not acquired another physician, thus I had to find a new one.  Long story but, it didn’t work out very effectively.  This doctor insisted that I was suffering from arthritis, without actually listening to what I was saying.  We did however get an x-ray, which showed no arthritis.  The problem then was the doctor was too slow in reviewing the x-ray report and providing a referral, which pushed me past my no driving or making appointments during winter.  So that was totally a fruitless process that provided an incompetent person a lot of money for providing near nothing.

I survived the winter and spring of 2020 rather demoralized at first without music, then compounded by the throws of the pandemic, quarantine and full on isolation.  I did write a song lyric in May, but playing it, that was near impossible.  Even so I sucked up the pain and discomfort of the finger enough to compose that tune, yet after that point, the finger again entirely disallowed its use for playing the instrument.  They were challenging times, seemingly my music was beyond reach when one day I stumbled upon a game changer.  If memory serves me, it was late May when listening to an old Muddy Waters interview recording, on something in my archive (I don’t recall the actual source), the interviewer asked, so how do you tune your guitar.  He answered saying something about it, terming it as “Spanish Tuning.”  I’d never heard of such a thing, but he then played each individual string on the guitar in his hand.  I stopped the recording, grabbed a guitar, then backed up the recording  to hear the notes so that I could figure out what they are: D (6th string), G, B, D, G, D (1st string).  Now I have this very old guitar having a flat neck, so I got it out, tuned it to this Spanish Tuning, got out a slide that has been knocking around the place here unused for the most part for many years, put the guitar on my lap, and within 5 minutes I was playing an old John Prine tune!  I was quite amazed or maybe astonished is a better fitting adjective.  

That changed my world.  I could play, it was limiting doing so in a keyed way, yet playing, singing songs again, quickly almost effortlessly, which filled my soul with hope and joy, bringing a smile to my entire being.  Sure it was weird, one playing this old low quality parlor guitar that I had gotten for 50 bucks at a yard sale some years prior for for the purpose of having something to take into situations unsuitable for a nice guitars, but playing music again, that was full on special. 

In the following days, I came up with an idea, that this tuning could be used on a square-neck dobro, so after some searching over the coming days, I ordered one from a shop that I’ve used before.  Several days later, I received it, a Dobro (brand) square-neck dobro.  I tuned it to that Spanish Tuning, to find that the strings are not good at holding the low tone D 6th string.  So much so that I decided I’d have to get a special order string or two in order to compensate.  Of course life where I live it doesn’t offer up supplies of most kinds, much less musical things.  Still I did proceed to learn some proper music with the dobro as well as building a better foundation for finger picking.  I don’t play it very much now but…  

Then came July, and an evening looking at the local section for musical instruments on Craig’s List, where I found a 1973 Martin D-35 at a very unbelievable price.  My inquiry led to purchasing it the next day.  I realized that it was a very sound instrument, beautiful, but the owner had had some crazy stupid modifications done in its history.  Knowing that it was a simple fix to make this instrument sing, I did so over the course of a time span.  I took it to a very good luthier I have trusted for many years.  I retrieved it from him in late August and my odyssey of learning to play with three fingers began.

Over the following year I accomplished that pretty well, bringing music back into my life an a daily basis.  It has been quite a journey that now finds my index finger coming back toward normal, or nearly healed from what had occurred.  I have yet a way to go but I am retraining it at this point.  I am still kind of limited in its use when trying to play too much, greater than 2 hours as my will so often pushes me into.  I now know to pay attention to its sensitivity and stop using it for some particular things when it signals me to stop.  The long and short of it is the journey has been long, frustrating and other things, yet the journey is providing a lot of joy now as I am again working with my music most days/nights through time.  I can’t foresee performance in my near future as the pandemic continues its rampage on humanity, but I can at least accept that with music back in my life.  There is a lot that I can do, some others that I have to avoid yet for a while, but I believe this finger is going to be fully functional again in the coming months.  The pandemic, I am not so sure about.  

Last night, laying in bed before dropping off into that space of dreamy slumber, I thought of days long ago, when I would right a different blog like thing nearly daily about the joys of snow skiing, when I could and did do that near daily during the ski season.  Reflections on this blog being more or less abandon due to not writing music as the above complications have played out, is a thing I know as true.  As this past year has unfolded I’ve gotten back to  playing and recording some of the numerous songs written over the years.  After several surprisingly successful recording sessions over the past six weeks or so, I am again gaining a fair degree of inspiration which may lead to writing other songs.  And then still, I can morph the blog’s initial subject into a space that also includes writing about the process of recording as they unfold.  It seemed a good idea while flat on the bed in the dark of a winter’s night, which still holds true in the light of today.  I’ll see what actually happens as time marches on.

The Songs of 2020

I had little enthusiasm for writing to the blog.  The pandemic altered so much in life as we all once knew it.  I found myself totally alone for months that mounted with the stress and its uncertainty.  None the less I wrote several tunes during the time, only the first of which I wrote about here.  By this time however, the remembering of the writing process for individual songs has completely faded away, and I won't address that aspect of the process from today's point of view.  I will inform the readers only that 3 of the 4 songs are now on my website for anyone to listen to at their will.  https://thomasepeterson.com.  These songs are all quite different one from another. 

Another Day in Lonleysville, is an odd pandemic story that seems quite personal, of how it seemed to me to live in isolation through those days from the vantage-point of looking at the world through the windows.

Letters, a folk song that is also stained by the pandemic and how such change impacts perceptions.  This one almost holds a ballad like story, yet it's use of imagery leaves it to the listener to interpret for themselves if there is valid meaning.  The musical composition was fun to create.

Old Cowpuncher's Song, This is the tune that I have previously written about in the previous blog post.

There is one other tune that I called "Little Big," another folk ballad that draws on once being a child, growing up beside my sister.   It then looks at that through the eyes of being an adult, struggling to keep a sense of perspective in our present world condition, while writing verses to songs or poetry.  The recording of this one has yet to be completed.

I have been struggling as a guitarist, due to an injury of my left index finger, being right handed, this condition has forced me to learn how to play with but limited use of that finger.  It has been like starting over, having to re-learn how to play.  It remains difficult, yet I am gradually overcoming the deficit.  Still, it remains that I have lost a lot of ability in playing.  I am driven and shall continue.

The Old Cowpunchers Song

May 21, 2020.

A damp afternoon outside, following consecutive days of really wet outside, helped set the scene that contributed to the composition of a new song. It has been more than 8 months without writing lyrics upon any subject. You know how life is, of your own living. The social environment that we live within or beside, probably more than any other factor, logically seems to shape those inner motivations, moods in particular, allowing reactions to the daily stimuli. The repressive weather keeping the feelings of "trapped in isolation," seems strongly influential in the least. Yet, behind this vale, unexpected ideas can spring forth, altering the senses to raise the psyche up and above this stirred up mud of dirt, water and idiotocracy. Sometimes it seems alarming how swiftly change can occur.

The weather condition beyond the walls combined with a will to step out of the new normal in an afternoon, found me looking toward movies as a distraction early in this particular Thursday afternoon. I had attempted to watch the film, the ballad of Buster Scruggs, which I found quite amusing. During the early portions of the story, (that is as far as I've gotten, due to the events described here after) truly unexpected events occur. The movie begins with a song, sung by whom it seems is the starring character, exuding a distinct sense of humor in sarcasm, at least that was my impression at the time. By the end of the third or fourth scene, the cowboy gun slinging singer, shot dead, produces his angelic wings and whilst narrating the story-line, flies off into a cloudy blue sky. The juxtaposition in the scene, going from starring character to flying off into the sky, angel like, wings slowly flapping out an ascent, within these early scenes, struck an inner cord within. As I do often, while watching video presentations, I pause the player in order to do something else for a few moments, in order to keep up with the story. So on this occasion I did just that, pause. This time it was to refresh the dwindling fire in the wood stove. As I opened the door of the stove to view its status, my mind strayed off into one of those spontaneously occurring thoughts that often distract my attention. Is it ADHT or the universe supplying something without clear notification? I can't say with specificity what it is, yet it seems to me to be the latter of the two.

The thought was very simple, quite related in some off kilter way to an impression derived of the film's content, yet not really of its substance. "Back in the day where the cowpunchers roamed," were the words shaping my thought, as I looked into the wood stove. Curious, I thought, as I placed another piece of wood into the stove, shut its door, turning to regain my seat before returning to the film. Just that fast, only seconds of time, forced by some unknown condition, my day, the thoughts, the inspirational unknowns, caused a pivot from action A, toward action B. I went from pleasantly being mindlessly, watching entertainment supplied via a movie, to the shaping of a new song.

I stopped before regaining my previous seat, left the film in pause mode, when I stopped long enough to think, is this something, when another line of words formed up in thought, complementary to the line previously stated. In that moment I recognized a familiar situation, deciding to grab at the opportunity, I turned, returned to the computer, opened the word processor and away it went. The afternoon being creatively engaged by the muse.

I wrote out that first couple of lines, then a couple more, as though the words fell from the sky or something. There seems to be little force or deliberate shaping of its content while this kind of process occurs. I am present, yet it happens sort of like magic, poof, there it is, on the monitor's screen. This one could be considered as sort of a ballad, maybe, however, pigeon holing genre, I can leave to others.

Now, I have lost an ability to play guitars, my main instrument for more than 50 years, thus I turned to the piano to figure out the musical shape these lyrics induce. I had an imaginary image in my head when I lifted the keyboard cover to access the keys. It is clearly a cowboy country song, sparked in a way by the cowboy theme of the movie I had begun watching. I use a metronome to solidify a tempo that will shape the ideas of music. Clearly I knew that this would be in 3/4 time, like so many of the traditional cowboy songs. Then maybe that itself is also something of my imagination? I know however, that I made this piece in 3/4 time. The piano remains rather unfamiliar territory where I lack an ability to be fluent. So I struggle in playing it. But I pounded out a structure that supports these lyrics, to satisfactorily shape these ideas into song, and I started singing the lyric. What used to take brief minutes with a guitar, now took well over an hour with the piano, but I succeeded. It is the first time I composed a song with a piano. It is not the instrument that makes the song however. My own experience shows that the song makes its own music.

I played at it for a couple of hours, trying to keep my fingers coordinated enough toward pressing unfamiliar places in correct sequences, it remains a struggle for me, still. When I began, the idea shaped up in the key of Ab. I played through it a couple of times before I recognized the ridiculousness of playing in Ab, so after a little experimentation, I settled into playing it in the key of G, for the sake of simplicity. After that, I knew I should make a rough draft recording to prevent full loss of the melody due to a leaky brain, where memory should exist, yet often fails me.

Having put all the recording gear away a month ago, I had to re-assemble the pieces, and choosing to use a condenser mic for capture, required a different type of stand as well as mic placement, all unfamiliar because I've not previously tried recording my lacking piano abilities. Eventually that too found enough success to preserve the idea while it remained alive and active in my head. And that, is the story of how "The Old Cowpunchers Song," came to be.

And by the way, while I write this, I have yet to see the remainder of this film, and it is nearing a full day later. It is likely that today, I will return to start it again, as it seems that I only saw 15 minutes of its duration. Happily, I found the film quite pleasant and entertaining.

 

Edit in:

Yesterday, August 5, 2021 I released the recording of this song, https://thomasepeterson.com/mp3/Old-Cowpunchers-Song.mp3, give it a listen if you choose.